Ruminations of a Chicago Young Republican

What follows is not my creation; I wish it were.  I got it as an email, a chain email in fact, and there was no author listed.  By no means are these hard and fast rules... I have liberal friends are the salt of the Earth, and do not fit into these broad strokes.  But can you really read this and not affirmatively nod your head?

It is clever, and unusually instructive.  Enjoy!

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LIBERALS AND CONSERVATIVES
 
If a conservative doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.
If a liberal doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.
 
If a conservative is a vegetarian, he doesn't` eat meat.
If a liberal is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products banned for
everyone.
 
If a conservative sees a foreign threat, he thinks about how to defeat
his enemy.
If a liberal sees foreign threat he wonders how to surrender gracefully
and still look good.
 
If a conservative is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.
If a liberal is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.
 
If a conservative is down-and-out, he thinks about how to better his
situation.
A liberal wonders who is going to take care of him.
 
If a conservative doesn't like a talk show host, he switches channels.
Liberals demand that those they don't like be shut down.
 
If a conservative is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church.
A liberal non-believer wants any mention of God and religion silenced.
(Unless it's a foreign religion, of course!)
 
If a conservative decides he needs health care, he goes about shopping
for it, or may choose a job that provides it.
A liberal demands that the rest of us pay for his.
 
If a conservative slips and falls in a store, he gets up, laughs and is
embarrassed.
If a liberal slips and falls, he grabs his neck, moans like he's in
labor and then sues.

If a conservative reads this, he'll forward it so his friends can have a good laugh.
A liberal will delete it because he's "offended".